some dude is getting blown right outside the bar in his car. reeediculous
class
he's dribbling her head like he's fucking allen iverson
Who's your beautiful friend? Please include the words "Straight", "Single", and "Legal" in your response.
He just left me a message saying he left the rest of the weed for me. Did i just get paid for sex? And if yes did i just get paid in drugs?
he then proceeded to tear down my curtains, wrap them around his waist, and use the rod as his "rod"... you tell me how drunk he is...
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
It was the textbook our-balls-touched-while-engaged-in-a-threesome-with-our-bosses-wife conversation.
It amazes and alarms me I'm not shocked to read that.
It would just be icing on the fucked up cake we're baking, if he got me pregnant.
just woke up in a camero on the way to nebraska, i would appreciate it if you answered your phone.
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
He burst in the bathroom while I was peeing to hand me my beer I was looking for earlier tht night. And my pants were already down so I thought why not
Right. Cuz nothing screams "You made it!" quite like selling your used underwear to strangers you met on the internet.
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