if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
i have i love cock written on my hand and a vagina drawn on my arm and i just finished eating breakfast with the whole fam for mothers day
ahah at least you got away with it
nope...my gran was the one who informed me
I was so high i started crying when i saw how much puppychow was there.
you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
After this weekend, it looks come this holiday season I'll be walking in a winter abortionland.
Just heard the girl at the bar cuss her bf out and order a long island ice tea. Going to give it 5 min then I'm going in. See you on the other side.
Look, all I can tell ya is I want to drink wine out of a bottle while you eat me. It would be the most fantastic end to finals week. Maybe ever.
i don't remember going ever taking off my pants but my pubes are shaved into a K and kelsey is passed out in the shower.
Let's hurry up so I can puke at home instead of my van
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
I can feel the shame as I walk down your hallway.. good night
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
You don't make any sense
TEQUILA
Randomize
