My 3rd grade teacher, who was also my fav, thought i was in prison. That seriously upsets me.
im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
don't get me wrong, i love how you're fun and free spirited. but there are some situations...like shooting down a bottle of sambuca standing in the shallow end topless surrounded by my friends
getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
He cooked me dinner. I showed my appreciation by showing up shithoused and breaking a bottle of steak sauce on his floor.
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
well the blowjob for study guide exchange was a success.
Man, I wish they all looked like that. Your vagina deserves to have a nice frame around it, and God's signature at the bottom.
no dude I'm not doing anything bad to her...remember she's always the DD she has blackmail material on literally all of us
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
Did we do anything stupid last night besides hook up with our ex girlfriends?
Randomize
