He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
I saw a 60 yr old mans penis last night. Just for the record.
He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
Everyone here knows my boyfriend as "Half Baked". Life, he's doing it right.
Man...I want to get monumentally fucked tonight.
I was wearing my get used bookstore shirt when we fucked. Ironic yet appropriate.
Told some guy to hold your weave while you "tried" to kick his girlfriends ass...
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
Why can't they just let me be the gorgeous cum dumpster that I know I'm meant to be?
the yoga instructor with the "dirt" and "roots" tattoos is seriously mother nature. i get my period after ever session i have with her. i'm trippin' balls over it.
got cock blocked by the cops again. two of the cops were the same ones from that t bell incident and they recognized me... they still dont like me
I will bring Jesus to court if he punishes me for that
Randomize
