Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
She was sleeping without a shirt so I thought I wouldI sneaked a peek at her nipples..than I realized they were just warts...on her back.
help me choose which girl to send myself boning to my girlfriend to make her want to break up
which one looks the most like her?
I'm tired of stuffing my fat into a slutty costume. Next year let's go as homeless girls. Cute ones. In leggings with camel toe.
I'm confident that their children would come out as 100% authentic rats
Technically ya I did. Hes tried to get down my pants like 3 times now and every time I have been all "these are not the Droids you are looking for"
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
The resort was totally empty, just June and I. Which of course lead to EXCESSIVE day drinking and outdoor fucking. FYI Dominicans LOVE to watch.
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
"Nobody needs to know that I have a vibrating butt plug and nobody needs to know that I'm probably gonna start wearing it at work"
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
Randomize
