note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
Planet Earth isn't gonna get stoned and watch itself.
What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
I've hooked up with 3 different guys already this week...don't tell me I haven't been a productive member of society
They sext over her pic comments. Role playing as wolves.
I recommend you throw your keys as far as you can in one direction, your phone as far as you can in the opposite direction, and hold on.
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
Life's too short to be sucking dicks in cars for the rest of my life.
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
It's like those toothpaste commercials where 4 out of 5 dentists would recommend your vagina
336: Dude I lost my.phone Wednesday night at a party and just found it, three days later, on the lacrosse field....what the actual fuck.
Just so you know, you called at 2 last night and kept making me tell you that I loved you and then when you got home you thanked me for walking you home. Incase you forgot, I'm still about 200 miles away.
Sorry I missed your call earlier. I was getting high with my high school band teacher.
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
Randomize
