i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
You'll be happy to know that I did indeed fracture my rib in a sex related injury
I will always remember that night by waking up in that tablecloth the next morning
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
do we own a ladder
We do not.
then how am i on the roof
google maps should a have a setting for this. like I AM ABANDONING EVERYTHING TO MEET A GIRL WHO IS 10 HOURS OF MILES AWAY. HOW DO WE DO THIS OPTIMALLY?
I feel like I was eaten by a coyote, then shit over a cliff...
The two girls sitting next to me are asking siri "Like, uh, how do you know my name?". Do I fuck with them or fuck them?
I'm sorry, you might have to start setting aside some time in your day for my pussy.
last night on the strip the guy screamed at you YOU GOTTA WORK ON YOUR CALVES.
It was Thanksgiving sex. I was thankful for it. Need I say more?
Next time I pee on a car, I'll text you.
Yeah I'm just gonna stay here and spread my horniness to the world.
the cops drove by and you were on your back in the middle of the side walk with your arms and legs in the air yelling that you were a dead bug .
I am now gainfully employed. Parents, lock up your children.
Yay! Welcome to the world of "you're seriously trusting me with your kid?"
Randomize
