Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance.
i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
Were making a bet for which twin will relapse while in rehab. I'm going for the chubbier one
Woke up this morning with a junior police officer sticker over my nipple this morning.
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
Obviously you've never slept with someone who was deliverance level inbred.
If the egyptians can build pryamids men can walk on the moon and ron jeremy can sleep with all those bitches then we can finish these three handles of vodka
Besides the kids on acid... I was the highest kid there
My dad just asked if I could bring snacks to jail this weekend. Like what does he think this is, some type of adult play date?
I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.
I think he bit my vagina. Who does that?
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
Gave her a puke bucket just in case. She filled the bottom of it with tears. Super sad. Although I am super proud she didn't puke. That was a lot of Fireball.
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
A drunk and bleeding peter is knocking on your door... in nothing more than a sombrero, boxers and cowboy boots.
Randomize
