thats the only time ive ever had sloppy firsts
I had to go to the bank to confirm purchases made on 10/31/09 because they were signed as Lady Gaga
All i learned in high school was how to sell drugs
I feel like you just avenged me for every guy who came in my hair
we walked in to her beating him with a broom while he was trying to sweep ramen into a box. there were packing peanuts everywhere.
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
Just you wait I'll be crying and puking everywhere in no time
Another development in my life...I think I pulled a muscle in my neck from vomiting this weekend.
The stripper told Tom to sort his life out
The memory of your penis haunts me. I must learn to be satisfied with lesser men than you.
Oh man I wish I could've gotten a picture of how many anti-circumcision stickers are on this Prius
My dreams last night were filled with sex and quidditch.
Honestly the prospect of dick really lifts a girl's spirits
No, Ethan, handcuffs and friendship bracelets are not "basically" the same thing.
I just checked and if you bring a picture of your ex they will shred it and give you a free 'hater shot'. Would it be too much to print off one of their wedding pictures and bring it?
I really love that you're not going the 'why am I not married and having a kid yet?' route, but rather 'thank god I dodged that bullet'
Randomize
