You're mentally unstable and I would hate to be you
I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep..
I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
THEY NOW HAVE MIXED DRINK EMOJIS! LIFE IS GOOD! PRINCESSES DON'T DRINK BEER
Look bro I'll go half per boob with you, we split her.
They tried to dine n dash at dennys and the waiter jumped on their car and broke their windshield
I have never fucking hated the horrible sound of dozens of off-key recorders BLARING their fucked rendition of "Fais Do-Do" in unison against the screams of an adult male... more than I do now. This is why people avoid teaching. Kill me. End it all.
I gave you keys to my house and drugs. This must mean we're in a relationship.
I think I got into an argument with my cat's former owner about what a BDSM relationship entails.
So you thought it was a good idea to make plans for the same time same place with the guy you were sort of dating AND his best friend you slept with?
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
i am risking my non lesbian vagina for your needs. i better be the best friend you ever had
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