I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
he was pretty good aside from the whole putting his tongue on my butt thing
After you vomited on the patrol car, you thanked the officer for helping you up off the ground. I don't think you realized you were being arrested.
I love you like a cupcake loves an overweight child, very similar to the mannerisms of a whole cake but personal, and minus the commitment issues, plus just the right amount of icing; not to mention the convenience of mobility, and only a smidgen of the guiltđ
Pretty sure they aren't letting me back to karaoke night after I screamed "fuck every one of you tasteless hillbillies!!" because I felt they didn't clap loud enough for Jen.
Not drinking has really freed up a lot of my time. I made a bracelet yesterday. I miss bars.
Yeah yeah, I don't care. I bought a super soaker, so lets please go attracting attention by spraying each other while wearing white tank tops?
i was trying to figure out what "tidy fucking" was when i realized he meant "titty fucking" and i need to start banging smarter people....
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
just when his roommates walked in, we were naked in the kitchen. proceeded to awkwardly pretzel walk back into his room to cover each other (not that they haven't seen me naked plenty of times) and continue to have glorious morning sex. his roomates love me.
I woke up to my bra draped over his lamp and a huge bump on my head. apparently, I face planted while having sex in the shower..
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
You ripped the leaves off the top of a pineapple then rubbed the rough skin part all over your face saying "this is how you mate with other species"
You couldnât remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders âunlimited hand frittersâ if they wouldnât cut you off.
Randomize
