I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
A squiggle pen was my first vibrator back when I was young. I would lock myself in my bedroom with that thing. Oh to be 8 again.
last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
But you've got to admit , for how blackout I was I look fucking unreal in those pictures
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
Abby spilt her vodka all over the train's bathroom floor
WE'RE THE ONES DRESSED UP FOR THE LARGEST DRINKING HOLIDAY IN AMERICA WHO ELSE ON THIS TRAIN IS A SUSPECT FOR THIS SMELL?!
I hope you get a lego stuck in your dickhole
Well start with a list of things you don't want to do... Like maybe 1) I don't want join Isis. That's a good start.
So what if I got a tattoo on a bus, it was sterile.
He's tiny, but ripped. Like a stacked hobbit. He's going to pull our sexy, crime-fighting rickshaw.
Two of the boys I banged while living in that house are about to move into it hahhaaha
How much glitter would I have to ingest in order for a "magnificent" amount to appear in my ejaculate?
I love you. I would never turn you into a bear.
She threw my purse across the room almost broke a lamp and this all started bc she forgot what an air mattress was
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