even a "fuck you" would be nice at this point.
Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
you should buy a sheep. A) you get an awesome pet. B) free coat
Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
He just washed his hands with scrubbing bubbles yelling "They work hard so I don't have to!"
can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
He kept saying 'your mouth is Amazing' even after I was on his dick.
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
I dont care what I am for halloween, as long as i'm not a father after
Great way to live...just blowing loads on upholstery
Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
U touched your head and and said "oh look blood" and then looked at me and touched my face... And said war paint
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
they gave me money. the money smells like weed. also they gave me weed
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
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