the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
Come outside. The vendor wants to go out strong tonight! Russian hooker interviews. Don't ask. We leave in 3 minutes.
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
Jesus Christ. How the fuck do you not tell someone that your wife can see on the phone bill who you text and how many times ?
I'm just gonna back away slowly and come back when there's less weird crap.
How drunk are you?
Completed.
And change of plans today, I'm gonna lay in bed and eat taco bell and try not to die. Brazilians another day.
So I was dancing on a table with these three girls and my bro. Started to makeout with one and as the song ended I asked what her name was. She said, and I quote, "Nate we hooked up two weeks ago". To which my reply was to lift my beer to bro and proclaim, "RAGE".
Dude. Don't do acid and go to Disney on ice. Hear my warnings. That snow monster will fuck your shit up.
Its like Gods punishment for wanting to party
Our baby is creepy.
That's how we know it's ours. haha
If she didn't have scissors in her hand I would have motor boated the fuck out of her when she was done cutting my hair.
Randomize
