then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
this is a mass text to all the people i smoke weed with. I have Mono, so if we've shared a bong/pipe. sorry man.
The magic cards should have been the first clue. The comments that I have "amazing birthing hips" and that I'm "beautiful in a child bearing sort of way just sealed his fate.
Woke up next to my bed in a pile of skittles, sleeping on a pair of sweatpants. I can't believe the girl didn't stick around..
Just put my hand under my pillow and found a peach ring. Lat night just came rushing back.
you'll be horrified to know he's visiting next weekend
You two are a rollercoaster of sex and silence.
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
I'M NOT EVEN STOPPING FOR WINE SO I CAN GET TO THAT DICK QUICKER.
He just kept repeating "It was like meep meep meep on my balls."
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