I was about to go down on her and her dong flopped out and hit me in the chin. This may have a Nam like post-traumatic-stress-disorder effect on me.
my life trainwreck boards at 9:30
I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
Can you fuck me on the kitchen counter at some point? I'll lysol it after
we can add 'stealing hydrangeas from the sign in front of the credit union because we're too poor to have all of the flower arrangements professionally done' to my list of maybe-felonies
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
Okay. I am working on pulling a tooth out of my mouth. Call me.
Look bro I'll go half per boob with you, we split her.
My usual answer of have sex with it doesn't work in this situation
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
There's a naked man in my car right now.
Is it just me or is Michael Jackson blasting throughout the house
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
Randomize
