Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
I just woke up on my kitchen floor using a yellow pages as a pillow and surrounded by plants that used to be in the garden around my apt building, can't wait to see the security tapes for my eviction
I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
Dude, I just cut my asshole on the new toilet paper. If you rationed the grocery money to buy drugs, I better be getting some.
There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
So we have also come to the conclusion that slam piece Saturday's are the appropriate follow ups to find a husband Fridays
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
Is it bad that I don't ask for names anymore? Just added "gold-chain-wearing hotel guy" to my list under "minivan 3way" and "funny-tasting gym guy."
After 7 months of nothing.. shall we throw your vagina a party? as its reinstatement into society?
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
I can count on one hand the number of good things that happened over the past year.
Learn from my mistakes. DO NOT try to steam a garment of clothing while you are wearing it. The burn is not worth the de-wrinkle.
well i blew him then my wife blew him, so im guessing we'll be seeing him around, yeah
I have easymac and six pack of beer. This night can't get any better.
Randomize
