# days @ Coachella: 1 people i showed how to break it down: 279
Mario Lopez is the poor mans Ryan Seacrest
You called me twice to tell me that you spit in your own eye, when I was right next to you.
I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
my step dad just called me a drunken slut..someone in my family finally understands me
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
When I find myself drinking from a boot I just go with it and refuse to ask why.
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
You're only young once, and once you get old, you either regret all the sex you had, or you regret not having enough.
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
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