how could I be having a bad time, I have the three most important things in life: Goat cheese, Xanax, and Saved By the Bell Re-runs.
I've walk of shamed through this apartment complex so many times, I think people think I live here.
halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
Breakfast=the leftover margarita in my car. Have a great day.
He told me I handled myself pretty well considering how drunk I was. He failed to realize that the lollipop I had was one I found on the ground a few minutes before hand.
Considering showing up at your house with coronas. I'll be wearing a sombrero and that's it.
Party city is having a sale on maracas
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
I watched you fall asleep, sitting up, eating a cinnamon roll. You proceeded to wake up...smile at your cinnamon roll, ask it how it got into your hand and then began eating it again. You asked me if you were ridiculous last night, define ridiculous.
Want a slice of this weekend's hottest piece of ass?
Check the mailbox while you're out!
I already looked this morning. You go check and see what you won on Ebay after your day drinking spree.
Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger.
He was leaving the restaurant I was going to as I was parking. I didn't want to scream, "hey, didn't I jerk you off?" Out of my window at 10 am
Change of plans & whoring it up tonight
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
A total of 3 guys left my apartment this morning. That was my first clue to my black out endeavors last night. Gotta love wine Wednesdays.
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