Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
so they made cookies with their faces printed on them...I ate jaime...she tasted like poop
it was really awkward, he kept trying to get on the bed with us and we kept having to kick him back on the floor.
she gave me a disgusted look and asked how i could live with myself. because i havent seen the rocky horror picture show. and then dumped me.
I think i'm going to homewreck at this Disney on Ice show.
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
Well he was saying something about being emotionally unavailable since his dad died, but then I blew him in a tree and he shut up
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
I think the blind guy i flirt with on a regular basis is starting to realize he's old enough to be my father. I can't tell if he's into it or not.
Specially since he wanted to forget that we even touched, which makes it funnier because I don't think you can take back licking someone's butthole...
this is an emotional support booty call
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
I know, dude. If he ends up having a tiny dick, I will literally pack it back into his pants and leave. Not worth the aggravation.
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