This girls a $30 bar tab from being bi
Hey, could you leave the door unlocked? Keys seem hard right now.
i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
Ok lesson learned. Don't lick the spoon when making mushroom chocolates. The kitchen walls are melting.
Preparing for wine wednesday. How would you feel about improvising and starting a white russian wednesday tomorrow instead? you know, shake things up a bit.
Still can't decide which I'm more disappointed about: the blow job I gave him or the donuts I ate after.
I cannot take someone's straight and gay virginity in one threesome. It's just too much responsibility.
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
So if her brother fucks my brother, can I just tell her that anal sex is in her genes?
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
Started my day with puking in a trash can.... Its gonna be a beautiful day
I sent a picture of my balls to one of my best friends, so basically it was an average night.
its official, you're fucking me on my lunch break. the only thing I want in my mouth is your dick. pick me up at noon.
want fries with that?
I think I recall josh coming in to the room to tuck us in and give us a few condoms and I threw them back all furious and told him 'we don't use those.' Oh god
Randomize
