no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
thanks. im glad you find me better in your comparison between me and fat girl porn.
No, i will not have sex with him again. It felt like he was trying to bulldoze his way through me. My vagina is on strike.
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
there is nothing ok with the fact that that was the 4th time i peed in the same parking ramp
Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.
Don't know why you're always hating on relationships. I've had chocolate pancakes accompanied by a blowjob and a blunt and it's not even 9 am. Time for mid morning shower sex. Enjoy your morning bong bowl alone asshole
Dude... She just sent me a story of how she wants to fuck me on a boat and call me her captain.. Well ahoy mateys, lets set sail
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
There should be a Doritos delivery van or something.
just stepped out my front door and let the wind dry my naked body because I was too lazy to go search for a clean towel that may not even exist. I could live like this forever
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