You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
What's the procedure for failed threesomes? Do I friend her on facebook this morning?
S and I had anal without a condom because I'm on my rag but he didn't finish. Should I still take Plan B?
woke up in Sigma Chi. In his room. they are iniating pledges right now. Holy fucking shit mother of pearl.
Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
DIN'T JUSGE NE.
Def something wrong w taking plan b with your daughters juice box
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
Straight up asked lady in a lime green jumpsuit how to make your ass clap. That thing wiggled more beautifully than ocean waves at sunset
Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
Do you sleep with the same women I've already slept with on purpose?
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down
i really love you but i feel kinda dumb about it
Randomize
