how can i change my meal plan to a keystone plan?
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
She's pissed. She declared she was moving out and proceeded to pack 3 pairs of shoes, her electric wine opener and ONE sock. Then told us to have fun paying her portion of the rent.
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
you puked in the bathtub and said "let them pee"
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
Yep, that just happened. My mom just gave me a big bag of drugs for my birthday. She even put them in a fancy bag with tissue paper.
She wore her engagement ring the whole time we fucked. I hate her fiancee, so it was cool
We do have a rich storied history of emotional warfare
I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
Randomize
