Chill out big head. its weird when girls look at dudes asses
Things on my life to do list: hold a pound of marijuana. Check.
you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
It is completely possible to eat beef jerky sexually.
Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
We need a hype man... Like a DMX type dude to just up the ante constantly...
I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
Dude. I don't even want cuddles. I just want an acknowledgement that I just had balls in my mouth.
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
Sometimes at I wake up from a dead sleep at 1am and call the bar just to hear the clink of the glasses and the pouring of the beer on tap in the backround
the fact you finally accept your bi don't shock me but as your fuck buddy I expect you girls to go family style on me
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
Randomize
