Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
She played chubby bunny with our cocks.. She got 4
hiding in a bush to avoid a seven dollar cab ride. cabby got out a flashlight and looked for us for like an hour. help.
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
When i say that im working late and also have a paper to write before 9am tomorrow all i want u to respond is saying that ur gunna come over and sexually distract me from my responsibilities. Not a fucking frowny face.
Sorry. Im on my way.
I think I fixed my testicle. That's why I didnt pay $25 for a doctor to do it
Post walk of shame: realized the underwear I put on when I left was another girl's underwear.... woof
What! You have to go to class. Otherwise, you're wasting money that could have been spent on weed. Gotta get that shit in perspective.
I just looked down and realized I was walking around in briefs and a ninja turtle shirt; and for a second, I thought I was 8 again... Weird...
He has a burner phone just to send dick pics. It's revolutionary
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
woke up with 4 bruises, 2 hickies and a bad case of rug burn. texans are dangerous.
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
Randomize
