the best job he will get is a sex ed teacher in alabama
Just passed a Taco Bell Taco Supreme, still in its wrapper, laying in the grass. I'd like a moment of silence.
May it rest in peace.
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
I still don't understand how I went from crying to blowing you in like two minutes.
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
Tell me again your tentative move date. There are 5 Russians in my apartment on ecstasy and they are having a rave in my living room. I can't. I need to move stat
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers.
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
The cops spotted my on my walk of shame down the boardwalk and gave me a ride home. I'm starting to make a name for myself here.
she was puking nonstop out of the car window in the rain during our hour long drive back, we got lot of honks
Guess who just hooked up with a guy who was wearing a shirt from his mom's "dress up closet"?!
Can’t. Tonight’s a netflix and dick night
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