Did u know that at any givin time there r 46,948,952 drunk people in the world? Were not alone
Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
I left when they started reinacting what appeared to be a jerry springer episode
I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
Night out in new white coat = success. Offered free breast exams all night, two took me up on it, woke up with one. I love medical school!!!
They wouldn't let me hang out the sun roof and sing apple bottom jeans in the drive thru of hardee's i think i no longer like these ppl
My lecture teach is passed out next to me. I think I'm doing pretty good for a freshman.
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
Girl, that was the lost night of 2012 for me and I have buried that night deep deep away..
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
No celebraish? But today's the day that Jesus, Bruce Springsteen, and a flock of bald eagles came down from the heavens in fighter jets with electric guitars and M-16s a blazon, saying "Hey America, fuck the Red Coats, it's time to party"
Pulled a muscle in my back masturbating. But still listed as probable.
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
And here I am, playing fetch with my cat at two in the morning.
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