You're never going to guess who I just worked out next to..
Who?
Chris brown
No way... I bet he was intense
Are you kidding? He was prob training for round two
I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
Wtf. I just got invited to a threeway bj session in the bathroom at boiler. Lmao
Don't talk about his dick. That's mine. There's a copyright on it. Use with permission
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
this is terrible I feel like i'm trapped in a cage with a wild republican
You kept saying we got to find the end of the rainbow, which turned out to be a box of lucky charms and Guinness in the bag of cereal
Ugh. I'm going to die alone, sister. Half-eaten by one of my thirty-seven cats and clutching a martini shaker
Hey I was just wondering if you could go look for my teeth?
I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
I don't think Buddha would recommend a sexscpade across Mexico
Randomize
