Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
He moved away. I mourned his dick all of Sunday. I feel a little better now.
I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
All I remember is holding on to the elevator asking it politely to stop spinning
shes got that 'its my party i can do meth if i want to' mentality. i like that.
I'm making celebratory pizza rolls. They're a lot like regular pizza rolls, but without the taste of shame.
You can buy vodka at target here.. Maybe Missouri isn't so bad after all
Well right now I am watching him use the fire extinguisher off the pourch.
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
I DID MY EXPERIMENTING. FOUR YEARS OF IT. IN HIGH SCHOOL.
Like I fucked him in the shower at 3 am when I had classes all day the next day so he can't say I'm not dedicated
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
Randomize
