Just sold all of my pants in order to buy tonight's whiskey. Goodbye, high functioning alcoholism. Hello, Dad.
Is it because I queefed?
She has 2500 facebook friends. I probably should have used a condom.
I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
she refuses to pay for the plan b and so do i. it's the most dangerous game of chicken i've ever been involved in. but i have my pride.
My gynecologist inadvertently complimented your penis.
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
I want everyone to love me, and THEN I will choose who gets to eat me out all the time.
In the 2nd smartest move of my day your ringtone for when you call is now the Space Jam theme.
I'm the one on the patio wearing underwear. Holding a pipe. Pigtail and glasses. Can't miss me.
Still stoned. I like your bong. It can stay. No others, though.
Just want to apologize again for asking to spot your form in the shower.
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
Do you think if I had a tempurpedic bed he would still be able to feel me fingering myself after we have sex?
Randomize