I don't know where I am, but its a Goosebumps novel waiting to happen.
I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
As per my father's affair, married men are no longer off limits.
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
If I don't survive tonitght I would like to thank you for the ricekrispy treats. I am majestic
He ran into the room yelling "attack! Attack!", jumped on top of me on the air mattress, popped the air mattress, and then we had victory sex, because he was proud of popping it.
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
Oh and no more ball pics to my family. Got in a little trouble over that. They have no sense of humor.
We don't have the same problems as normal people do we?
Started my day with puking in a trash can.... Its gonna be a beautiful day
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
He was all “please don’t bail because I’m missing work for this” last night
Honey no, I need dick. I’m not going to bail
Dude, running 15 min late.
Let's play a game, you pay for all the drinks I can finish before you get here. Go.
Randomize
