ya dads aren't the best wingmen
so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
I hate it when hot girls behave. It's so anticlimactic
there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
they still hired me even though my background check came back with a warrent for my arrest.
DAMMIT. BOHEMIAN RHAPSODY IS GONNA GET STUCK IN MY HEAD AGAIN. FUCK YOU OLYMPICS.
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
I went by my nickname in rehab. It made it feel more like summer camp.
And my parents said I crawled through the house
Idk I've taught my 18 month old how to say nipple so kids aren't all bad
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
yea i'll help you find a man. but, when I say jump, you say on who.
Randomize
