You're never going to guess who I just worked out next to..
Who?
Chris brown
No way... I bet he was intense
Are you kidding? He was prob training for round two
The answer to your question is yes. I am wearing a star of david to the bar in order attract a jewish man.
The football player sitting in front of me just googled himself. Only 4 articles came up. That's why he plays at Utah State.
STOP LICKING HIS MUSTACHE
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
Nothing says Merry Christmas like gifting a bottle of rum and finishing it yourself then leaning over at the dinner table to puke it back up.
Hi this is the guy from the cell phone store. Your Dad just upgraded your phone as a surprise. I didn't tell him about your topless pics on your phone. I transfered them to new phone. Nice rack!
I think I may have just taught my whole hall how to give a good blow job. So this is college.
Let's hurry up so I can puke at home instead of my van
Get off the floor, put away the cookie dough, get ur shit together Scott.
I cut him off because he was changing my thermostat every time he came over
You made the right decision
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
Randomize
