apparently, it's not a good idea to make jokes about sending newborns through airport security xrays. the moms dont see the humor.
But why'd she put it on the conveyor then?
before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
It's going to be great. We're a perfect team to break up marriages and happiness.
there's a picture of him beating off in the library with a cowboy hat. please steer clear of this one if you ever want to be respected.
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
Dude he fell into my wall and left an imprint then decided to have sex with the door open. Vents carry noise pretty well
nothing like having plan b for breakfast in a cvs parking lot before ordering this semester's textbooks
cops tried arresting me on the way to class this morning.. this is my life.
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
Just convinced a housekeeper at work to set up her 401k. Gotta start hittin the gb every morning before work. Happy 420
I JUST AGREED TO GO TO A CHILD'S BIRTHDAY PARTY AT A PLACE CALLED PUZZLE'S FUN DOME WHY DO I HATE MYSELF
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
Randomize