Just saw the liqour store owner get into a mercedes, almost proud to be responsible for that
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
Do you relize what downtown will be like this week? Like open season. But instead of deer its hot baseball players from all over the country that we'll never have to see again. I swear the college world series is a gift from god.
she crawled under her car and passed out. Unfortunately her feet were sticking out and someone called 911 because they thought she had been run over.
Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
I need to get a job that holds me accountable for something. Otherwise I wake upon Monday wondering when the booze store opens and if I still have a boyfriend.
After he finished he sang his college fight song like it was some victory
I wound up gambling on giant connect four with the bartender. I think he saw my boobs.
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
I just have to decide what I love more, food or dick.
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
I just projectile vomited into my kitchen sink. Today need to be over already.
I remember the Prince Albert and the three penises in the threesome. But the rest no.
I swear 2020 just keeps getting worse and worse
Randomize
