If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
I blew a .224 after sleeping for 6 hrs, cleary im a champion
In my 8 am class there was a pack of birth control on the board with a note saying, "Some dude somewhere is unhappy."
All was going smooth until he pulled a condom out of his collection he kept in a Cheesy Gordita Crunch Box from Taco Bell.
The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
NASCAR RACE 2010 NO REGRETZZZ!!!
It is literally 8 in the morning.
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
I was desperately holding on to my sandwich while we had sex.
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
NOT PREGNANT HIGH FIVE!
Randomize
