Hey when I die alone will you come by often enough so that my cats don’t eat my face?
I just caught my mom fingering herself in the bathroom...Im moving out.
This frat boy drinking a forty and wearing a pussy patrol shirt just ran out in front of my car. I should have used less brakes.
It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
my vagina has been out of service for wayy too long... this semester needs to start like right now
I'm currently bartering with this guy so I can fuck his bi girlfriend. We're at 5 pizzas and he gets to watch us make-out.
The vagina on Hilton Head is mighty fine this time of year.
I just saw him carrying his little sister while walking his puppy. And he was shirtless. I swear my ovaries just exploded
the fact that i already established a hook up buddy for thanksgiving break is genius
Can I come take down that wallpaper yet? I stopped seeing that dude and I need to occupy my time with something besides getting drunk at bingo night and cussing out old people. Also, i'm not sure on the legal stipulations but I might have, unintentionally, committed grand theft auto at some point.
Also, lets remember that we have known each other for nearly a decade and our two most recent photos to one another are boxes of plan b
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
So basically he is jobless, a potential serial killer, and has poor taste in music? We simply don't have time for that.
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
Randomize
