Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
When you're about to leave, tell him "bye." At that point, he should say something. If he doesn't say anything, well, our drinks were free and he gets a free make out with yours truly.
Thanks for bailing me out last night guys. it's bullshit that everbeering people at bars is illegal. bitches have no sense of adventure anymore
Starting St Patrick's Weekend, non stop flights on Pacific Whorelines to the scenic HotMessXpress. Get the cougars ready, it's gonna get weird.
Don't you judge us. Sockets make ideal bowls
It's a low moment when you're looking at your girlfriends tits on your daughter's phone..
Trying to decide who to DD on the fourth and I came up with a Who's who of guys I've hooked up with in the last month. Not an ideal situation, but I have a feeling it's gonna happen anyway.
Sorry, fell into some ass. Call you tomorrow.
YOU CANT FOOL THE TOILET
I can't hang out tomorrow. A boy wants to feed me ice cream and touch my boobs. Priorities.
what food is Colorado known for?
Pot brownies.
Three times. Three times I left home yesterday in search for sex, and three times I returned un-orgasmed.
He totally just went there for sex cuz he slept in her roommates bed the rest of the night after they were done...
pure definition of booty call.
i ran into the Jo the housecleaner earlier this morning. i mentioned i had a little hangover and she asked what the occasion was.. i replied "Tuesday" without thinking. she judged the shit out of me.
just went home with a guy that made fun of me in elementary school. this blow job is not going well for him.
Randomize
