she didnt even puke last nite, shes finally hit champion status. i think im in love
i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
i'm in workout clothes. this is progress.
Judging by her face, I'd say she's at least dabbled with meth...
Grandma just handed out bail money... it's officially christmas
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
I told her I had the flu when in reality I did way too many drugs last night, haven't slept and don't want to sit through a 3 hour buisness meeting trying to figure out which voices are real and which are in my head
Also, I found out tonight a major plus for being female is you can accidentally call the hot bartender sweet tits and she won't get mad.
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
I'm taking a leave of absence and sending myself to fat camp. I'll let you know when I'm out.
My brother didnt wanna sleep with her because she was my friend. Did I miss the memo where we're not supposed to be fucking each others friends? Oh well too late.
I thought one was bad but really there are two woman stupid enough to marry our brother...unreal
I have finally found someone I enjoy for reasons that do not necessarily include his dick
You're moving up the public shitting ladder
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