Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad
Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
I'm laying in your front yard are you home
What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
literally every day that goes by where he doesn't talk to me makes me more determined to get him to have sex with me
He cut part of his finger off. It was a consolation blow job.
It wasn't random sex though, it was almost a relationship, built on lies and sex
You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
I just found out two girls I dated met each other, bonded over how much they hate me, started dating and are gonna get married soon.
I just got a girl to make out with me just by saying "get at me." Get at me
I get a little bitchy. We all know that
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
Sorry about you walking in on the whole nude kinect dancing. The new roomie was drunk and naked and told us he was either over dressed or we were under dressed for the party. And Amy figured it would be easier to join him than it would be to dress him
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