I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
dude 8 am is too early to start pregaming for new years eve
clearly you are not from wisconsin
she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
It's raining. Will need ride home and blow job.
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
This hot topless Jamaican just ran down the st with me on his back and He was screaming "I be stealing yo white ladies."
I don't know if i should be jealous or worried... or question where you are.
Dude where are you? I've been here an hour and all I've done is get head from a random in the stairwell.
Do you think it would be a margarita if you just out tequila in a sonic slush?
I AM GETTING LAID TONIGHT YES HAPPY DAY PRAISE JESUS ALMIGHTY IN HEAVEN DEAR GOD CHRIST YES DADDY YAAASSS
She said I can't embarrass her, the challenge has been set
If the guys trying to booty call text me could see me right now in some raggedy pajamas with toothpaste down the front of my shirt eating pepperoni out of the package they might change their minds
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
Randomize
