Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
Do you ever go through someone elses pictures and just appreciate the fact that youre not really friends with them?
I'll show rhose boucners: You don't let me in, I poop on your pool.
I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
Thanks for making breakfast. I usually have cereal and coffee...but i think margaritas and turkey sandwiches could catch on.
It's like I'm in a vicious cycle of noncommittal penis.
I feel like we had some profound moment last night, but I can't really recall much past your ass turning up the volume on the radio.
She basically needs a man who will never act up and take all of her shit
I'm even having trouble finding a guy who's taller than me with no unibrow.. someone needs to tell her its time to lower her standards
They have a stripper pole on their deck. Normal.
Thought it only fitting this Jubilee weekend to snort lines with a 50 note
Your patriotism amazes me, the Queen would be proud!
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
We found him sitting in the back of the club crying into a strippers lap. She told us he missed his pet frog and to come back later.
Its just akward. Everytime he tells me he loves me, I have to respond with, I love having sex with you. and he just stares at me in amazement
She just kept feeding people pretzels and sayying "You're such a good goldfish."
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