the mandatory saturday morning class for those written up by RA's turned into a gold mine...just met EVERY hot chick that parties.
An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
shes laying on the floor in a bowl of salsa with her pants half off and she's crying... i dont know what to do...
he quoted the bible to break up with me
I have not carelessly put myself in herpes way since I got a clean bill of health tyvm.
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
I feel like I just rode a horse, did a million jumping jacks, ran a marathon and need a carton on cigarettes. best sex hands down... EVER
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.
So when the drug raid cops tell you, you should get out of the relationship, it probably means its time.
you told the police officer you wanted to be just like her one day but not a lesbian
Did you guys just have three hour sex? You both stopped and restarted texting me at the same time
If I were to say yes, would we still be friends?
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
Randomize
