Wow.. I was doing a mental check of my bank balance & I literally just said to myself: 'I have 27 dollars and a bottle of tequila til tuesday-ill be fine'
They keep asking what you are doing. I told them to quit calling her "what."
So I just did the walk of shame at dunkin... A lady told me me I was really dressed up and I told her I was going to a luncheon.
a man that wears gold spandex underwear and party boys other people is a man after my own heart.
i just saw a white kid with an afro using a martini shaker as a coffee thermos. go college.
after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
You called me twice to tell me that you spit in your own eye, when I was right next to you.
felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
She was asian and in a relationship... my two weaknesses
He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
I wish I could like. Pull my liver out, and put it in the corner of a boxing ring, put a towel and ice on it, rub it's shoulders, and tell it to "get back in there, you got this!".
Still slightly drunk, sitting in Hyde park village. Two small children are dancing and singing "call me maybe" on the fountain in front of me. Am I hallucinating?
just when his roommates walked in, we were naked in the kitchen. proceeded to awkwardly pretzel walk back into his room to cover each other (not that they haven't seen me naked plenty of times) and continue to have glorious morning sex. his roomates love me.
He was dressed as the 420 Easter bunny...he looked like a walking anti-drug campaign.
I told him I wish we were at my house cause then I could tell him to get out after we had sex.
Randomize
