I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
Let's just say for some reason we thought it was okay to make a burrito smoothie.
I probably wouldn't hook up with him if I had to deal with more than his penis. i think cumulatively we are up to a minute of actual conversation this week.
She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
My mouth holds just enough water for my bong
I was topless in his bathroom sink taking bong rips , goodmorning . He told me he could get use to this
This is God's way of telling me He loves me and wants me to be a cocktease.
Go forth my daughter and give blue balls to all who may gaze upon your tits.
I always congratulate people on their vaginal emancipation.
No just a slight sexual miscommunication which led to a little (lot) vomiting by one party and a bruised sternum on the other party involved.
I can't even make a guess how that goes.
A little, yeah. We were stealing firewood from the neighbors (drunk), and figured it would be 10 times harder to be angry with us if we got caught if we were naked, and 100% more hilarious.
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
Remember when I puked into a mesh garbage can in the middle of a meeting and told the clients it was "morning sickness"?
hahah yep
Well the are flying back here, it's been like 10 months, should I frame fake baby pics in my office?? Or too much?
There is a guy down by the river wearing a zebra print speedo and a sombrero, with a beer in each hand, screaming "This is America bitches!"
Randomize
