we have officially lost it.
I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
youre talking to a girl on facebook chat right now and im sitting behind her in class lol. creepy?
I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
You just kept saying "I want my babies to look like you."
i can't remember the last friday i didn't spend in the foetal position
She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
He went down on me while I had rollers in my hair. I've never felt more like a lady.
I overcharge people for their weed so you can have yours for free, because I care
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
How's Vegas?
Woke up with a sculpture of my own head. Been trying to find Ashley for two days. so pretty not too bad.
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
There’s a stripper dressed like a slutty pilgrim. Is that a thing?
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