She looks like Robin Williams dressed as a frog.
i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
soooo we both peed the bed last night...
I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
What's the appropriate way to phrase "If you ever leave your wife give me a call. But we can still have sex periodically until then."??
So I peed on what I thought was a wall while in nashville come to find out while running from the cop it was just a dark tinted window and the while bar witnessed me peeing
I never thought that it would get to the point where I would have to specify that by "hang out" I meant "fuck like rabbits." Growing up shouldn't be this way.
FIND ME A DICK TO RIDE THAT HOPEFULLY IS ATTACHED TO A CUTE PERSON AND NICE PERSONALITY
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED. Is it okay if I only get 2 out of 3?
The D is nonnegotable.
After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
I just hope the day something happens to me my phone just dies, like literally died and will never turn on ever again. I feel like God owes me that much.
I forgot wine drunk hurts
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
The one time I decide to bring people over you are laying naked on the coffee table watching the ceiling fan cause "it just moves so fast" I'm guessing you got paid today??
Randomize
