he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
found glitter on my cock. thank you for bringing me to that dance recital.
Apparently I used ziplock bags to smuggle my drink out with. By pouring it in one, then cut the corner like it was an icing bag later that night. What is wrong with me?
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
Also his beard was very delicious looking. I wanted to touch it so bad, but I held back.
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
The night got interesting when the random guy next to us handed us a bottle of champagne and the rest of his ciroc bottle. When we asked why he did it, he proceeded to point at his friend who face planted the floor.
Can I join you for some emotional "Post: The Ohio State University's first lose in football after a 24 game winning streak" sex?
Don't blame me. My vagina leads me astray.
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
I cant believe you bit her ass cheek, she must have been really weirded out.
yeah so we made out to make it less awkward
Two questions: is there going to be a bathroom at this party, and can we fuck in it. This will define whether or not I enjoy going to parties with you.
No I'm not lying to you. I'm just not telling you the whole story. There's a massive difference.
Randomize
