I think I'm in Tiajuana
You are not in Tijuana. I saw you an hour ago
I could be
its summer. and we all know college gfs do not count in summer.
college gfs dont count ever. theyre like getting corn rows in jamaica. you feel cool at the time. then you go home and people make fun of you.
Whenever I said your name you screamed polo and did another shot.
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
Why isn't there a sort by hair color option on Facebook? It would make stalking much easier.
I hit on her. So did Sarah. Neither of us got anywhere. I swear she's asexual. Like Switzerland.
Dear female. Happy valentines day. If you have not had the pleasure of making love to me, please do not fret, I will get around to it soon enough. If you indeed have made love to me, then bravo, wasn't that grand! Perhaps we should do it again? Regardless, have a good day. This has been a public service announcement. Rock on.
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
I just totok an inventory of my purse: 1 apple, 1 pair of underwear, 7 condoms, $18 in ones, a check with "for sexual healing" in the subject line, and a 4 oz bottle of wine.
Oh! and a letter from a judge saying I got an interview. Cause that balances it out.
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
This isn't good. I can't find my mom. This is why we don't give her Fireball.
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
I don't want my vagina anymore.
Randomize
