We found her naked passed out on the bathroom floor. She didn't even make it to the shower. She was clutching the bathroom rug.
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
Happiness for him is a different happiness than you can supply cuz you have life standards, morals and goals that dont include the bar or beer everynight.
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
I just want to be able to run around naked and eat grass with no judgments and have people feed me and expect me to sleep all the time.
it's like his dick is making a u-turn.
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
The teenager outdrank all of us. All. Of. Us. I woke up and she was getting everyone water and fruit snacks. I give up.
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
my goal is to never have a bac of 0.0 the whole time while in the state of florida, which means i have to chug a beer before i cross the state line
Omg. I'm living macklemores best life. I have someone's granddads dog, I'm about to have someone's grandmas car. I look incredible.
Randomize
