sometimes i wonder what i would do without sheltered catholic girls w/ overprotective parents
never have sex?
We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
the two person party stopped when i realized that he tried to throw a hammer at my head.
We have to use a contraceptive. God help the world if another one of us comes into fruition.
Im in my back seat in my own drive way with two beers left to shotgun and watching the sunrise. Am I over her yet?
he has a party story that rivals our "PTSD- soldier-with-a-knife" party story. I'm pretty sure this is part of some prophecy.
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
So... remember when you threw an orange in the closet when we were 16 to make wine? Just found it. Not wine.
we went to go get waffles and then i sucked his dick in a parking lot. average tuesday.
He's here walking around DRUNK AS FUCK in a Kobe Bryant number 8 jersey... Tucked in.
Randomize
