so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
You should get with him and swear you have to use lambskin condoms. That'll test his veganism.
Got my bloodwork back and my liver is in tip top shape. Apparently blacking out 5 nights a week isn't cutting it, so we've got to step it up until I see that all of my hard work is actually paying off and doing some damage.
Some kid just popped open a giant PBR and walked into his final...
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
she's just been through a whole lot lately. When the crazy starts leaking out we give her vodka and lock her in the room with all the pillows.
so that's what that room is for...
Is it wrong i wouldn't sleep with him because his boxers said #1 dad all over them?
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
Nobody's dick fell into my mouth tonight
Dude, seriously, fucking stop introducing me as "Thomas, with the dick piercing." you are the worst wingman ever.
I was sitting down, taking a piss with a boner, her cat walked into the bathroom and walked up to my legs, I sneezed and pissed all over her cat through between the toilet seat and bowl, it ran off screeching. She thought I peed on her cat on purpose. Kicked me out
this is a mass text: the cage has been opened. repeat, the cage has been opened. a search party will be organized. you are all sloppy bitches. that is all.
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