my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.
Booyah. Found 8000 pesos in my closet and that's apparently 608 US dollars
Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
Omg calling you in 10 to update you on who I peed on last night
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
you're trying to get a guy who's been in a coma for 2 weeks and who thought he was in '08 yesterday to drive you to the liquor store?
yeah, you wanna come?
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
It kind if looked like a strap-on dressed up for Halloween.
i got to his house for our first date at the same time as his dealer, so what I'm saying is I'm in love
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
Such a big mess for such a small penis
He asked if I could not say his name during sex cause he liked the girl in the apartment above me.
Does this cleavage amount say, “Fuck it, I’m over dating, let’s just fuck?”
Also apparently I made a "cake sandwich"--yeah smashed a massive piece of cake between two slices of bread....fucking tequila
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