Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
Great parenting moment: noticing your kid is going to puke from gorging fish sticks and sending her outside. Then watching her puke on your dog.
I don't appreciate the fact that you tagged me as a giant bucket Miracle Whip.
He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.
Whoever put the picture of my dad in the condom box is an asshole
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
I went over to help her build a porch, but we decided that was too much work, so we just got high and watched Scooby Doo
Definitely! I will do that this week. Right now, watching drag queens play with my dad's beard.
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
He shit with the door open. I think that means we are in a realtionship.
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
So how was it?
The cemetery or the sex?
Randomize
