I wish life was like the Sims. Right when you're pregnant the music would play and I would just know instead of agonizing for the next two weeks.
You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
This is a dangerous game of "whose life is more pathetic".
It wasn't until i was on my knees with three dicks in my face that i thought it might be a bad idea
it was a whole new experience in the world of ball fondling
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
We've been broken up for 7 months. His mom sent me a card with a brochure inside titled "How at Risk for STD's are you?"
I know. She seems like she getting that "need some dick" restlessness. Might explain the feisty attitude
I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
It wasn't so much skinny dipping. It more like skinny walking...through a fountain.
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
Maybe is for pussies. We only say yes in this household
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
the fact that i came three times was completely negated by the fact that he high-fived himself after.
HE STARTED HUMMING THE THEME TO STAR WARS!! WHILE I'M SUCKING HIS DICK!!
Randomize
