And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
Give me one situation where peeing in your garage could be a bad idea
I'm sweating while I eat mac and cheese. That fat.
I guess I'll put a green shirt on. Also, I just snorted some protein shake power. That doesn't have anything to do with St. Patrick's Day. I just wanted you to know in case i die.
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
Dude. 21 days till I'm 21. It's the 21 day countdown. The 25 days of Christmas can suck my dick.
This reunion sucks. All the confident hot girls from high school are still confident and hot, and none of the fat girls with low self esteem transformed into hot girls with low self esteem.
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
wtf I can't believe that bar tender told on me to my mom
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
I just went to cvs and bought condoms, handcuffs and a coloring book
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
Randomize
