I have to tell you about my conversation with the cloud dragon!
I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
If no ones going to say it, then I will. Vanessa Hudgens boobs are weird looking
A shower wasnt enough to wash off the shame but at least it took care off the blood.
I walked in on her just letting her nose bleed into her friend's hands
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
you haven't really lived until you are in a situation where your vagina is hanging out
It doesn't count as "finding the lesbian" if you fuck a straight girl!
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
She called to tell me she just hooked up with my crush...and that he talked about me...not sure if I should be pissed or excited?
Well he waved at me as he was leaving so he def noticed the staring, and by staring i mean blatant eye fucking from across the bar..
Yeahh. im on the phone with him drunk. he told me he found a pigeon in a cardboard box and named it quincy...
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
how do you say “i know we haven’t hung out in a month, but i gave myself an amazing orgasm to your picture the other day” without coming on too strong
Randomize
