Last night is one of those stories you hear about on 20/20 right after they make a law banning 90% if what I did.
I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
yes he's amazing in bed. he made me like, black out. everything went black it was weird. so yes, i'd fuck him again. plus, he has every season of buffy on dvd
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
Why do I love Florida? Because I just quit my job because it's too pretty a day to go to work and I'm going to the beach to eat seafood and drink beer.
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
We could have mediocre awkward sex or mediocre stunted/awkward/uncomfortable banter. The possilities are relatively finite
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
This will never work. His dick is smaller than mine.
Wow. And yours is kind of small.
RIGHT?
Why is the floor coated in a 2 inch blanket of popcorn??
He calculated like a serious conversion in his head the other day and got a crazy number and I was like damn that’s hot please proceed to take your clothes off.
They made Game of Thrones Oreos. Kill me.
Randomize
