Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest
the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
we are watching a video on ethics because somebody wrote "butt sex" on the attendance sign in sheet
I feel like despite his sleaziness I could be friends with this man. he just sent me a picture of his dog's balls.
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
you guys have a strange definition of the word fun. I would have said dangerous, terrifying, or life-threatening. of course, bowling can now be described the same way.
I swear to god if I see a single piece of genitalia I'm driving back to LI and smacking you back to the Italian Renaissance
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
Come on, what straight woman, gay man, or bi person HASN'T scrolled through Justin Trudeau pictures after a bad day?
I just checked and if you bring a picture of your ex they will shred it and give you a free 'hater shot'. Would it be too much to print off one of their wedding pictures and bring it?
I really love that you're not going the 'why am I not married and having a kid yet?' route, but rather 'thank god I dodged that bullet'
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
Randomize
