all thats left of you is your magnum wrapper on my dresser
Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
its like playing clue every morning after we party. she did him in the kitchen with..oh god.
You would be married by May if you put half as much energy into getting straight guys as you do into getting gay guys
I mean its cheating, but i figure i've made out wiht married chicks before so its like a nicotine patch, quitting by doing less and less each day
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
Just had to buy plan b w/ my robotic baby from family living.. Awkward.
You drink it until you puke in a vent one time and it's ruined forever.
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
is it too soon to tell him I'm available anytime for Christmas themed pity sex and I'll even wear a Santa hat?
IM TRYING TO SAY GOODNIGHT STOP FOR LIKE FIVE SECONDS WITH THE DICK SUCKING
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
I mean, you've had my nipples in your mouth now, so I think we've reached a certain level of friendship.
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
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