judging by the pasta sauce and dirty pans i spent my blackout being emeril
Does this sound normal?...She's ironing on pictures of her dead cat to all of her green clothes...
my night ended in me puking all over jenna's bed, then me trying to wash the sheets in the toilet.
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
And then as he was trying to conceal his boner from everybody, you said aloud "just grab your cock and get out of the pool"
I knew I was rolling hard when I realized I had been rubbing the couch for an hour
Tequila me may have very bluntly told him that I wanted to touch his abs.
I can taunt you with whatever I want. Like batman and sex.
Is it weird that the girl he dated after me had a child with him and it has my name? I think it means he's not over me. Or I'm really self absorbed...
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
I didn't want to but I was drunk in a Disney bathroom with her and had a weak moment.
im questioning your sanity while also accepting your reality
there were rolls with just one bite out of each one leading to the bedroom. you were laying on the bed naked and yelled 'you did it you followed the bread crumbs!'
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
i don't think the phrases "so shitty" & "taking care of my newborn" should be combined in the same sentence. leave it to her to make it possible eh?
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