Billy Mays died!
I know. And the US is beating brazil...what's wrong with the world?
turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
I KNOW. I'm like, ew who are these ppl. And then I remember I'm traveling to New York to accidentally hook it with two different dudes in one weekend.
Apparently "he pulled out..mostly" is not a valid reason for thinking there's no way i can be pregnant to the nurses at the student health center.
Well if my looks don't work with her I'll eat the 50 nuggets to impress her fat roommate.
Hah, I lost the lenses in my glasses, didn't event notice til this morning... How was the meeting?
We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
Bring fortys. we have the duct tape. its onnn mothafuckaaaa
Day 1 of the Fuck Your Ex weekend has been productive. Already boned Steph and we're both still glad we arnt together anymore.
I was going to say I needed the exercise but now all I can think about is BJs
My work here is done
When he swipes my v card it will be comparable to my bat mitzvah. should I make sweatshirts or sweatpants?
If you don't fuck me hard, rough, and senseless the minute we're alone in your room, I'm returning you to the boyfriend store
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
Then James put his arms through the window and grabbed him, like he was Robocop. A nerdy, portly Robocop.
Who is this?
Randomize
