This is the worst date ever. Pls kill me. No, wait, scratch that, stick to the original plan of killing Paris Hilton, I'll live though this
it's to the point where working 2 jobs this summer will absolutely not cover how much i will spend on alcohol next semester.
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
This is stressing me out. I feel like I need to eat the dick.
Just found a uh poem I wrote on ambien. It says to "cry your seamen filled tears" and "I hope you take a dagger to your vagina" and at the end it says "sincerely, God". What.the.fuck do they put in that pill?
You can glorify being single all you want but relationships are awesome. I haven't gone more than 24 hours without sex since June.
I don't see how I managed to fuck up so much shit in an hour and a half..
What if he turns back to me, finds me seemingly fondling my breasts, and thinks I'm turned on by eagles?
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
I think him and kristen are pretty serious now.. I dont think he cheats on her, anymore.
your mom was just petting me...I am strangely comfortable with it
My mom heard me having sex with my boyfriend but thought it was the neighbors. She commented on how quick it was. I just nodded and changed the subject
She was drunk running in the middle of the street when a cop saw her,picked her up and dropped her off at her house. This really doesn't surprise me.
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
Randomize
