u cheatin on me?
if i did i would try to upgrade babe.
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
she asked me if i can do her a favor, came over, and gave me head then left. i still dont understand how that was a favor for her.
These days, you and me are swimming in dicks.
Marco
Polo
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
I'm watching my cat lick a used condom wrapper on my nightstand and I'm too hungover to move and do anything about it. Tequila Tuesdays can not be a thing.
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
well he said my boobs made him believe in love at first sight so that's cool
I think you should do the fixer upper relationship. Like lawyers do pro bono work with underserved populations, you can do pro bono relationship work.
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
Haha I had a heart to heart with a stripper so I would say it was a success?
Last night was great... In the "I got videotaped making out and getting a handjob on the couch in front of 100 people." kinda way.
In my life time, I want nothing more than to get a blow job while watching Space Jam.
Randomize
