I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
i'm touring the leper colony via mapquest street view so we dont have to go there
last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
Do you guys think there will be a coke-for-Molly barder at bonnaroo?
I've peed outside too many times in just this past week
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
Okay, since we're going to be living together and I'm obviously better than you at everything, I have one single simple rule that I want you to follow: DO. NOT. FUCK WITH ME.
I lick assholes and I wouldn't eat mdma
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
I just don't understand why we can't have sex in the house. I'll come see you but I'll have to think about the barn thing.
I'll give you another blowjob if you bring me some cake.
You mentioned his name and i threw up a little.
Randomize
