All you kept saying was "my dick ALWAYS causes problems".
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
i'm in that phase where i'll swallow anything except food
Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
I can't leave your house without my underwear spending the night.
I planned on emotionally scarring him for life this weekend. DAMN YOU PERIOD!
Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
What if there is no right person? Maybe it's just the right cat. Or the right 12 cats.
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
I don't want random pictures of your morning wood. It's like, what a glorious morning oh a penis.
Mom just told me I need to start having sex.
I don't give a shit if you judge. This isn't about you or anyone else. This is about me and my chicken tenders.
I feel like that xmas present negates everything we were taught as little girls. Putting out DOES pay. God bless us everyone
So my ex just asked for my address to send me his wedding invitation... in Europe. Awesome.
That’s basically a green light to fuck his dad
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