i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
I just saw a girl in Albersons in spandex and curlers buying PBR. Only PBR.
I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
It's like I paid NJ Transit $33 to suck his dick and go home. Fuck that.
i'm not sure when it happened but apparently now it's topless bar night, im wearing a leotard and everyone is looking at me like i'm cheating.
This place doesnt have redbull or serve shots. Its like they are at war with fun.
i can now proudly say that ive peed off of a balcony overlooking the pacific ocean AND a balcony overlooking the atlantic ocean
I just want you to sit on my face and to tell you you're pretty. Most girls would leap at this opportunity.
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
Last week in my political science paper I quoted the Mighty Ducks. This week, I compared the Constitution to a weird pickle law in Connecticut (by law, it's not a pickle unless it bounces). So, yeah, clearly I'm ready to be back to being a college student.
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
Randomize
