shes wearing a jean skirt, its frayed. i got this
Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
He came in, laid on our floor and started to make a snow angel.. On the floor. Then he just left never said a word. 20 mins later walked back in and dropped his pants, looked down and said "wow im happy i had boxers on."
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
I swear I only do things like fuck 19 yr olds just to hear how you laugh when I tell you.
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
Monday morning margarita madness at ny house. Yes before wheel of fortune. Yes day drinking.
Thanks for letting me use your ID, there's $120 along with your ID in the mail to cover the Urinating in public fine I got last night....sorry
THAT FUCKER WASTED TWO OF MY COLORED CONDOMS! HE DIDN'T EVEN FUCKING FINISH IN IT HE JUST SLAPPED IT ON AND WASTED IT!
You pole danced in your parka.
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
BOOM BITCH SERVES YOU RIGHT I HOPE YOU SHIT YOURSELF PETER PAN
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
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