i am NOT doing that with my feet, or any part of my body
I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
totally got the gold medal for the best fence jump when the cops came.
Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
You even been so high breaking up weed with your fingers feels like surgery?
Would love to except that I crashed into a hearse in a funeral procession about an hour ago so I think that pretty much put an end to my day.
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
Why were my jeans in the freezer of the mini fridge, and how long have they been in there? On another note, I found my teacher's ID badge.
this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
So wait. Let me get this straight lol... you... are are considering offering fetish services to "trample and own" someone for $80 in order to pay for someone to come organize ur shit? Pure genius.
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
I might have been the first person in 2015 to throw up on a yellow cab before climbing in it.
I like it here so far, only people are a lot less accepting of my terrible decisions and it's cramping my style
Randomize
