I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
Mat is currently running around his basement "trying to catch oxygen in his mouth."
My dream of liquor pitchers came true
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
My dad just decided to play wingman for me... I dont want to let the family down... but both these girls are hideous
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
Sorry, I thought I responded to your question. My name is Jon, we kinda had a sleepover at your friends place in OC. Don't know if you remember me, you were "dick chugging" like there was no tomorrow last night.
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
RICK BROUGHT THE HOT BARTENDER HOME. SOMEONE CALL THE FIRE DEPARTMENT, CUZ RICKYS ON FIIIIIIIRE.
lmao nvm she punched him in the face and left
I love millennial parents. One of the moms at the daycare center literally told me she and her husband named two of her kids after batman characters and one after game of thrones
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
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